So its been a few months since I last wrote. In that time a few things happened: 1) Jessica (my sister) got married to Geoff, 2) I got my own endowments (awesome blessings), 3) I went to Germany, 4) Came back to Florida, and 5) began the ever stressful process of shopping for sister missionary clothes.
1 and 2 are out of order so I just going to start with 2.
2) I took out my own endowments. Funny how the Lord knows us better than we know ourselves. The week before going I felt so unprepared. I questioned my own worthiness to recieve my endowments even though I knew I was temple worthy. I even put a test to the Lord asking Him for a sign to know what He wanted me to do because even though all of it is about returning home to Him some how I got so self absorbed and didn't think of that. I thought of me, what I knew, what I'd gain, what I wanted, what I planned, and put His desires and His timing on the back burner. July 11, 2009 that was the time He had planned. And yes I know for some that may seem a bit soon because I wasn't going on my mission until September but besides being what the Lord wanted which is number one; I wanted to be in the temple for Jessica's wedding otherwise no one in our family would be; I wanted a chance to go to the temple a few times before my mission and in Rexburg that would be easier than in Florida; and finally the most important reason - I was prepared I did not go into these covenants lightly, I considered their importance and my own worthiness more deeply then I would have if I had waited. I got them in a time when I had an abundance of the Spirit with me so I could understand the things the Lord desired me to learn and Heather was able to be my escort. Honestly that was a great gift to share that with her. She taught me so much and without realizing it, helped me to be ready for my mission. Its easier to prepare and be diligent in studying if you know you are not alone in doing it.
1) So because I got my own endowments a few weeks before the wedding, I had the opportunity to attend the temple sessions a few times before Jessica recieved her own. I recieved the blessing of being a second escort. I didn't know that when we went but they found out that I was her sister and allowed me to go. Jamie was Jessica's first escort which was good because although I was more comfortable with going through the ceremony I don't think I would have made a good first time escort. It really struck me though how much separates Jessica and I in going to the wedding. I was very grateful to be allowed to go but I felt like a stranger. I don't really know Jessica. I felt like a visitor in my own sister's life. It was glad to sit in the Celestial room and watch Geoff answer Jessica's question but it struck me that now she had him. He will be her best friend, her confidant, and I missed my opportunity. I still have a chance to know her but it will be a new her. Its not a bad thing at all that she has him but I missed my opportunity to be a part of the, as corny as it sounds "the Jessica Years" in her life. I just hope I don't miss any more. I don't know how to reach out to her though.
It was a beautiful ceremony and Nauvoo was a gorgeous temple. We got to go to the Nauvoo Pageant after Jessica's endowments so it was a spirit filled few days.
3) Germany was not at all what I expected. It was not a vacation of sights but stories. I spent most days from 9am-9pm in a nursing home room playing sudoku watching my grandma (Granny) taking care of her mom (Oma). Oma was never really there. She is 89 and her body and mind are mangled by the devastating effects of Parkinsons. Everyone she loved, husband, friends, brothers and sisters (12) are gone. Friends who are left are in the same sad state. At this point though she doesn't remember them. She rarely recalls who my Granny is. Yet each Sunday my Granny calls her from her home in Kansas to talk to her so that even though she may not know her, she knows she is not alone. I think even though she lives mostly in her head, until the constant pain with which she exists causes her to cry out to any one who is there to listen, I think some times all we want is to know we are not alone.
I got to see the character and strength of a woman so devoted to those she loves. But as we sat in the room I saw the woman she truely is: a survivor, a mother, a devoted daughter, a pioneer, a rock, a Christain, a Saint. She is goofy. She says what she thinks. She struggled through a difficult childhood; loosing a brother, being blamed for it, being abused, and standing up in court. She grew up Catholic. She and her mother used to go to restaurants to eat and to dance after church. She loved dancing with her mother and on one such occasion, soldiers were there and thought women dancing together was a hit to their egos. One man was my grandfather. Not a good dancer but a man who was fun and made my Granny laugh. They decided to marry. After the wedding while still in Germany he changed. He drank more and got meaner. When it was time for him to go back to America. She says she was to proud to admit the marriage didn't work and went with him. His family never liked her especially his mother. They thought she was an ignorant German and upon meeting her were surprised how much English she knew and how bright she was. The eventully warmed up to her.My Grandfather was a wanderer after coming home, no longer in the military. He finally got bored enough to reenlist. This sent him to a few different places. The marriage was hard and she wanted to go home by the time she got the courage to leave she had a daughter (my mom) and he threatened to keep her and never let Granny see her. She found the church while my grandfather was away. He thought it was because she liked the missionaries but soon took the discussions himself. It made it so my mom was born into the church. My Granny had 3 more kids they had some difficult times but also funny ones. I think she loved him and he wasn't a horrible man just a man who let bad choices and anger control him. Like all of us there is more to the story good and bad and I only had one side to the story. For my Granny it seemed to weigh on the side of bad times but what helped her then and you can see as she speaks, what helps her now is her faith. She was our family's pioneer in finding the Gospel without whom I would not be serving a mission. So in this small example you can see Germany was about my family. I learned about my Granny but also her mother. She told me so many stories of her Oma and her mother. My family seemed to be plagued by harsh trials but they were women of enduring faith. My great grandmother a devote Catholic and my Granny a Latter-Day Saint. Women who labored all their lives, hard labor for their family.
4) Coming back home has been hard. I've found my mind easily distracted and my time wasted. I made poor choices in my use of time. But I also found the Lord continually there to reprimand me. I found myself thinking alot about my family (thats not the wasted time). I want them to find true happiness. Happiness that I found in the temple.
Back home I also found I have a much larger family then I imagined. People at church have made me feel so loved.
5) So the process of shopping for mission items was long and hard. After 5 shoe stores and many days I finally went to the Sawgrass Mills mall to the Clarks outlet store. There I bought 4 pairs of Unstructured Clarks all cute and extremely comfortable. Skirts were very difficult. Many weeks and numerous stores. JC Penneys (3 skirts, 2 blouses), Burlington Coat Factory (3 skirts - two different trips,- 1 raincoat, 2 blouses), Macy's (no skirts that worked), Ross (2 trips and two skirts . 1 blouse all on the second trip), Target (3 blouses, pajamas from the Girls Section in XL - I'm short), Walmart (1 blouse, backpack, nylons, yoga pants also from the Girls Section), and I also went to Thrift stores and Platos Closet with little success. I found a skirt in my closet and a few blouses that finished up my needs. It was hard work especially for my mom who was working each day and then went shopping with me despite exhaustion. I am grateful for her help, patience, and love despite my annoying nature. Also I am grateful for Sister Otting for making alterations for me on some of the clothes and for taking me shopping when I lack transportation. Also the Delgado Family for taking me in. Holding my open house, Danny for taking me to every activity imaginable and not kicking me out of the car, allowing me to be a part of the family. I am grateful for the love of such great people.
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