I will start as far back as I can remember. So I am the youngest of four kids. My mom and my father, Craig, were married for
about 9 years when they got divorced. They were married civilly and then
married in the temple. Prior to the
divorce my mom was super active. She had
grown up in the church after her mother (an immigrant from Germany in the
1960s) and father (an American soldier) joined the church. After the divorce she met Mark and
subsequently strayed.
They met in Manhattan Kansas where he was stationed at Ft.
Riley. Craig was stationed in Korea and
living with a woman off base. My mom was
She frustrated and alone. And my aunt,
her brother’s wife, invited her to go dancing.
She took the chance to get a away from everything and it happened to be
at a bar that my aunt went to dance. At
the bar men who asked my mom to dance often treated her like an object. Then my aunt told one of the soldiers to
dance with my mom. She said he was the
only one that night who danced properly.
He held her at a comfortable distance and just respected her. She said it was the first time in a long time
she felt special. That man was Mark.
Then after the divorce Mark was stationed on Oahu. So they went to Hawaii and were married. We stayed with my grandmother for a few weeks
to let them settle and then my mother flew back to get us. I was 5 when they finally married and a year
later he adopted all four of us kids, none of whom were his biologically.
I remember Hawaii being a really fun and happy time for our
family. And it was the time when I met
many of my extended family…coincidence? I think not. Every weekend seemed like a family
vacation. We went to Hanauma Bay,
Diamond Head, China man’s Hat, Pearl Harbor, waterfall hiking, and all the fun touristy
and local adventures for a young family stationed on Schofield Barracks. I remember when my granny came. She bought me a book called “Aloha Bear”
about a polar bear who stowed away on Santa’s sleigh because he was not meant
for the snow and ice so Santa brought him to Hawaii. I traced my hand in it
with her help and learned to read using it.
I still have that book and keep it in a little bag in my childhood box
of memories along with some Disney books from when I was a kid.
My mom and dad were involved in everything. They coached peewee football and went as my
brother played in the Aloha Bowl. The
coached his baseball team…the Pirates.
My mom had this ridiculously short permed haircut but something I will
never forget is how she always seemed to be smiling.
Hawaii was probably the happiest time of my childhood. I was just a kid. I don’t remember fighting other than with my
siblings or neighborhood kids in the way that kids bicker. I remember trying so many new things…like the
hula. We used to go to Luau’s when
family came and my parents sent me up to be in the group to hula on stage. I was fearless and determined as a kid.
One day my parents brought us all in one by one based on
age. Being the youngest I went
first. My parents had made it seem like
we were in trouble but really they bought us roller blades. So I was supposed to act sad when the others
went in. My parents were funny like
that. One Christmas they had this box
that was as tall as my dad next to the tree.
It was for my brother. He opened
that box only to find a smaller box.
This went on for about four or five more boxes until he got to the last
one and found a Nintendo game inside.
So when we got the roller blades we all went outside to use
them. I had a really hard time keeping
my balance. At that time in my life I
had physical therapy sometimes at school.
I was born with a mild form of Cerebral Palsy (I can’t remember if it’s
spastic hemiplegia or spastic diplegia).
So as part of my therapy I did the balance beam and still remained
spastic and clumsy. So that first day
with my roller blades I had to use one of those plastic lawn chairs as a make
shift walker. I figured it out
eventually after refusing to give up and learned something about myself. I learned that although I may have to do it a
little differently than other kids, I could still do anything they could and
anything I wanted to.
You don’t often think about the impact the things of
childhood have had on you but this is an experience I look back on often when
I’m worried about what others will think or if I’m nervous about trying
something new. It may look funny and be
a little different but it’s not about what others think – it’s about me
learning to roll with it.
So I’m not 100% sure this is all accurate but this is how it
happened from my point of view. When my parents met my mom picked up his,
Mark’s, habits. Not that he was a bad man, but he drank and
smoked because socially that's what they did.
My mom grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and
even lived with the bishop and his family when her parents divorced during her
senior year. My mother a strong,
hardworking, and compassionate woman strayed from the life style and tenants of
a faith she had as a child and found herself with habits that led to a new
lifestyle. She had found man who was not
of the church who loved her deeper than the man she was sealed to.
While in Hawaii from 1994-1997 the church lost track of my
mom. Until one fateful day when a woman
who lived on base down the street was getting a divorce and had 5 young
children and needed help. My mom went
and helped this woman organize her home.
The woman happened to be a less active member of the church and it came
up while they were cleaning. This woman
ended up going back to church and bore her testimony about my mother being an
answer to her prayers. The Relief
Society president came to visit my mom to thank her for doing something that is
the definition of being in the “relief society” and they had her records again.
We ended up moving to Texas where they made sure her records
as well as our records were sent to Texas.
We all had baby blessings and my brother was baptized so we had record
numbers. The missionaries came to visit
my mom and ended up after a while teaching us.
I ended up going to church for a while before anyone asked us about
baptism (we all had numbers and were older than 8 so no one thought to ask).
One day I was sitting in sacrament and Sister Brown turned to me and said,
"Kandice, have you or your sisters been baptized?" I said, "I don'at know what that is but
I definitely haven't but I don't know about Jessica and Chelsea". I don't remember the missionaries or that
sister very well and I only remember a few tidbits of what the missionaries
taught but it was enough. I was 11
turning 12 when I was baptized May 28, 2000 along with my two sisters. So this will be 12 years and then I didn't
know but I felt and I did the things that enabled me to one day return. I went to church until we moved to Florida in
May of 2001. My mom drove a half hour to
take us to church and never went for herself but I remember we always stopped
at this little burger place. They're the
best burgers I remember ever having ( I didn't get the whole Sabbath day holy
thing then). Those are some of my
favorite memories with my mom. She had
so much faith to drive a half hour to take us and pick us up again. Some may judge her for not going but she gave
me a legacy of faith. She may not have
believed the atonement was for her or heal her pain but she wanted it for her
daughters.
When we moved to Florida I slowly stopped going. I would go occasionally but I became lost
inside myself and my pain (we had some family troubles) and I thought closing
out the world would protect me. I was hot and cold from 12-17. Oddly enough the only thing I went to was
seminary (my sisters drove to school straight from seminary). Many different Young Women presidents/YW
leaders made efforts to come and get me for activities and come on my birthday. Sometimes I would come and others I said mean things and told them to
get lost. They never stopped
coming. Eventually I felt so empty that
anything was better than the pain inside.
I remember a feeling coming to me one day. It was the feeling that I felt when the
missionaries would teach us. I don’t remember
everything they taught but I remember the feeling they brought. Peace.
So I gave the gospel a chance. In
the Book of Mormon it says that you could get nearer to God by abiding by its
precepts and so I took that challenge.
Instead of saying no I said yes to invitations. I opened my heart and the emptiness and anger
slowly dissipated.
I remember coming back to church one time just before a
youth temple trip and the bishop invited me in for an interview. We came to the attending your meetings question
and I said "I know I haven't been coming but if I can go it will help me
to keep coming." I don't know why I
said that I had only been once in Texas but I think I sensed even then the pull
of divine tentacles. Then I just felt it
was better for me, but now I have the knowledge to recognize and cultivate
gratitude for what the Lord did for me. It wasn't until I was 17 that I truly
committed myself to living this. The
Lord placed a wonderful 2nd Counselor in the bishopric who was also a Marriage
and Family Counselor to guide me through my emotions and teach me how to master
them. God gave me YW presidents who saw
in me what I couldn't. And he gave me
spiritual gifts that kept me from straying too far and allowed me to recognize
the truth when it came.
I know that the Lord has been intervening and directing me
along the path that He has prepared for me. This is confirmed just looking in
how I decided where I was going to college.
I applied to mostly Florida schools.
I think outside of Florida I applied to University of Vermont, some
all-girls school in Georgia and BYU-Idaho.
Other than that I got into Florida State University, University of
Central Florida, University of South Florida, and some other schools but really
my first choice was FSU and I had a Bright Futures scholarship that would cover
the cost of my tuition and other fees.
I was sure of my path to FSU, but I wanted to confirm it
with the Lord. I went to the temple to
ask which Florida school I should join.
There was a woman there from Tallahassee and she said I would love FSU’s
Young Single Adults ward. I felt this
distinct impression that I would do well at FSU but I would do better in
Idaho. I was shocked. Idaho was an after-thought in applying. I didn’t really expect to go. But it was where I needed to be. That set me on a course that I never planned
for – friends who taught me to pray, have FHE, encouraged me to get my
patriarchal blessing, and to go on a mission.
